Its been a while since I last posted or last wrote anything decent. I hope my comeback doesn't prove disastrous. I have always written poems and this, penning down of thoughts in a blog, is new to me. Let me try anyways.
As a kid we all heard 'Papa Kehte Hain' a lot of times. As a teenager many of us learned the song as the first song anyone learns on a guitar (or at least that is what I've been told). When I graduated a week ago from the Institute of Medical Sciences, Banaras Hindu University, I took a lot of pictures and uploaded them to my facebook page and callously named the album 'Papa Kehte Hain'. I hadn't thought about it much. Except that it was a fun time to reunite with college buddies and reminisce it because perhaps it is the last time I will see all of them together. Of late I haven't been able to stop thinking of what graduating means for me and the song 'Papa Kehte Hain' plays again and again in the back of my head.
Graduation and convocation seemed fun. Jubilant graduation robes and seeing so many of them robes on the fresh graduates was nothing short of a scene from Hogwarts. Everybody was happy. Everybody's parents were happy. And while I didn't think of this while I was busy throwing my graduation cap up in the air again and again for a perfect picture (to be uploaded on facebook, yes, that's how shallow I have become) I have been thinking about it now. What does graduating mean to me?
Now, when the mirth of the celebration has faded and the dawn of reality rises, I shudder with dread. I am now a graduate. So far, I was this kid in a medical school that nobody paid much heed too. I always had the liberty to say, 'Eh, I am not yet a Doctor, I can make mistakes'. Now I don't. I am a doctor with a MBBS degree, certified and registered with both the UP Medical Council and Delhi Medical Council. I cannot make mistakes.
Graduating opened a door to a whole new world we have all been protected from by our parents. I was born 25 years ago but then now is when I feel like I am really entering the world. Now on wards I don't have my friends to cover for me for being late, I don't have the safety net of my Professors to fall back to each time I answer a question wrong. I don't have examinations annually to judge me how much I have learned from the past session. I don't have a month long notice before hand to allow me to prepare. From now on, every moment of every day is going to be an examination. Everyone is going to be an invigilator, and harsh ones too. They are not going to care whether or not a particular disease was in/out of the syllabus. They don't care if they are setting the questions too tough or setting the bar too high. I am going to be judged professionally, not based on personal relations.
Thinking about what it means to my family and friends, I shudder even more. They are relieved. Finally their son, their friend has become a doctor and now will solve all their ailments. Now they have someone to ask for medical advice when they need to. Though I keep praying that my family and friends never have to see me in my professional capacity, its not practical. They are going to fall sick, the mortal and vulnerable beings we all are.
I know I've had enough lectures and classes and practical exams and postings but somehow I don't think even a lifetime of these is going to prepare me for the road that I have chosen for myself. Each day is going to teach me something new and if it doesn't it definitely is going to change something that I knew and trusted to be true. Everything is changing and will keep changing and the ones who cannot cope up with change succumb to it, as theorized by Darwin an eon ago.
What an irony it is, that we human beings suffer from. When we have something, we don't cherish it and then when it is lost, we wish like madmen to have it back. When I was in med school, all I ever wanted was to get out of it, be done with it. Now that I am actually out of it, I want to go back and learn more, prepare more.
Well, now that doesn't seem possible and it'd probably seem foolish to rave and rant about the past and talk of the things I cannot change. However the future is here and I take my staggering steps to walk forward. Just like I said, its like being born again and learning to walk anew. I hope and pray I live up to the expectations of my family and friends and do justice to my profession. After all, 'Papa Kehte Hain, bada naam karega, beta hamara, aisa kaam karega'...
As a kid we all heard 'Papa Kehte Hain' a lot of times. As a teenager many of us learned the song as the first song anyone learns on a guitar (or at least that is what I've been told). When I graduated a week ago from the Institute of Medical Sciences, Banaras Hindu University, I took a lot of pictures and uploaded them to my facebook page and callously named the album 'Papa Kehte Hain'. I hadn't thought about it much. Except that it was a fun time to reunite with college buddies and reminisce it because perhaps it is the last time I will see all of them together. Of late I haven't been able to stop thinking of what graduating means for me and the song 'Papa Kehte Hain' plays again and again in the back of my head.
Graduation and convocation seemed fun. Jubilant graduation robes and seeing so many of them robes on the fresh graduates was nothing short of a scene from Hogwarts. Everybody was happy. Everybody's parents were happy. And while I didn't think of this while I was busy throwing my graduation cap up in the air again and again for a perfect picture (to be uploaded on facebook, yes, that's how shallow I have become) I have been thinking about it now. What does graduating mean to me?
Now, when the mirth of the celebration has faded and the dawn of reality rises, I shudder with dread. I am now a graduate. So far, I was this kid in a medical school that nobody paid much heed too. I always had the liberty to say, 'Eh, I am not yet a Doctor, I can make mistakes'. Now I don't. I am a doctor with a MBBS degree, certified and registered with both the UP Medical Council and Delhi Medical Council. I cannot make mistakes.
Graduating opened a door to a whole new world we have all been protected from by our parents. I was born 25 years ago but then now is when I feel like I am really entering the world. Now on wards I don't have my friends to cover for me for being late, I don't have the safety net of my Professors to fall back to each time I answer a question wrong. I don't have examinations annually to judge me how much I have learned from the past session. I don't have a month long notice before hand to allow me to prepare. From now on, every moment of every day is going to be an examination. Everyone is going to be an invigilator, and harsh ones too. They are not going to care whether or not a particular disease was in/out of the syllabus. They don't care if they are setting the questions too tough or setting the bar too high. I am going to be judged professionally, not based on personal relations.
Thinking about what it means to my family and friends, I shudder even more. They are relieved. Finally their son, their friend has become a doctor and now will solve all their ailments. Now they have someone to ask for medical advice when they need to. Though I keep praying that my family and friends never have to see me in my professional capacity, its not practical. They are going to fall sick, the mortal and vulnerable beings we all are.
I know I've had enough lectures and classes and practical exams and postings but somehow I don't think even a lifetime of these is going to prepare me for the road that I have chosen for myself. Each day is going to teach me something new and if it doesn't it definitely is going to change something that I knew and trusted to be true. Everything is changing and will keep changing and the ones who cannot cope up with change succumb to it, as theorized by Darwin an eon ago.
What an irony it is, that we human beings suffer from. When we have something, we don't cherish it and then when it is lost, we wish like madmen to have it back. When I was in med school, all I ever wanted was to get out of it, be done with it. Now that I am actually out of it, I want to go back and learn more, prepare more.
Well, now that doesn't seem possible and it'd probably seem foolish to rave and rant about the past and talk of the things I cannot change. However the future is here and I take my staggering steps to walk forward. Just like I said, its like being born again and learning to walk anew. I hope and pray I live up to the expectations of my family and friends and do justice to my profession. After all, 'Papa Kehte Hain, bada naam karega, beta hamara, aisa kaam karega'...
Congratulations again.
ReplyDeleteThe comeback was nothing close to being disastrous, btw.
I can't wait for my "Hogwarts moment" :D
And I'm sure you'll do good in this phase of life too, just like the birth to graduation phase was.
Thank you very much Sweta. I am sure your "Hogwart's moment" (is that what we are calling it now? hahaha)
Deleteis gonna be legen-wait-for-it-dary. And surely you won't feel guilty of having whisked away those years...
And thanks a lot for the trust and expectations you put on me. Makes me want to try and be a better doctor each day (tho this is exactly the type of expectations I was talking in the article above..hahaha...just kidding) Study well and earn your Hogwart's Moment. Mine felt like it was thrashed upon me :)